Monday, October 22, 2007

go find a camel

Even with the stress that comes from studying Arabic, I don't mind it. There is an element of preparing for quizes and midterms and finals that I love-- as I go over material, as I learn grammar and memorize verbs and charts I begin to own them. Each time I go back to review a set of words or a grammatical structure I make them more irrevocably mine.

The Arabic language is an immense pile of sand before me and as I study it I separate spoonfuls from the edges and draw them towards me. I capture them.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

pollinate safely

Walking back to the dorm tonight Brittany and I were arguing about the condoms in the vending machine downstairs and whether or not they are free. Brittany said they cost a dollar, I was pretty sure they didn't cost anything.

The way I see it housing should be begging me to have safe sex just like every other para-student organization on campus. They should be throwing free stuff at me so I'll have safe sex. Heck, I almost expect cash. Why should I have to pay for a condom?

When I was in the laundery room about an hour ago I checked and they don't even have condoms in the machine right now.

What is this dorm coming to?

Watch this space, as soon as I find out the price of condoms downstairs you'll know too.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

good things/war dreams

Oh, how I needed the relaxation that came this weekend.

Today I was thinking that there is no garuntee that I am going to get what I see as "good things" in my life--exotic and interesting experiances, travels, a rich (no, not wealthy) marriage, a fulfilling job with a lot of authority, creativity, etc. I know that I am promised good things, but none of these are necessarily on the list.

This sprung from me thinking about home, or the lack thereof, the past few days.

Last night I was talking to a friend whose parents are divorced and she said,
"sometimes I don't feel like I have a right to be upset about it any more."
And then she said,
"But it is just so fundamental."

I knew what she meant, thinking about my life. I don't know if it should be so disconcerting not to have one place that is totally my home but then, it is just such a fundamental part of my life that is missing.

I know that Jesus had no home, this is made clear in the gospels. I know that earth is not my home. I know that God's kingdom transcends home, transends one particular place. Somedays this feels like just another Sunday School lesson (to be learnt while eating animal crackers--best snack ever) and sometimes this is Hope.

I don't have a home garunteed in my future.

So what are the good things I am promised? What exactly is living water?

This is what I am wondering, what I want to pay more attention to. What good things does God want to give to me? What does he value?

* * *

So I'm not sure if this is normal or not but sometimes I have war dreams. I dream that I am going into battle and I am really worried that I will be "cowardly" and hide/run away. Sometimes in my dream I stay and fight and sometimes I don't. Sometimes the setting looks a lot like war movies and sometimes it looks like Dorothy and her friends breaking into the wicked witch of the west's castle.

Here are other types of dreams I have (non-inclusive, of course):
1. Dancing dreams
a. I don't know the choreography
b. I suck
These are unhappy dreams. I usually feel guilty for a while afterwards that I am not in as good dancing shape as I used to. Catherine says she dreams that she falls.
2. Baby dreams
a. I have a baby
b. I adopt a baby
Strangely enough, these are often very happy dreams. sometimes/often I have/adopt babies of other races. Ususally I am unmarried but one time I dreamed I had the baby the day of my wedding.
3. Snake dreams
a. lots of snakes
b. one big snake
These have happened since I was a small small child and used to scare me a lot. Luckily nowdays nothing at all scares me but these dreams are still unpleasant.
4. Flying dreams.
I like these probably the best. In my dreams flying involves pushing off of trees every now and again or giant bounds off of the ground. Great fun. Should be every night.
5. Family change dreams
a. mum dies.
b. we trade giz for another small girl
c. mum and dad decide to move to england
d. my cousin dates a 50 year old.
These are generally bad.

I like most dreams. I also like eating before I go to bed. This is a good combination.