Oh, how I needed the relaxation that came this weekend.
Today I was thinking that there is no garuntee that I am going to get what I see as "good things" in my life--exotic and interesting experiances, travels, a rich (no, not wealthy) marriage, a fulfilling job with a lot of authority, creativity, etc. I know that I am promised good things, but none of these are necessarily on the list.
This sprung from me thinking about home, or the lack thereof, the past few days.
Last night I was talking to a friend whose parents are divorced and she said,
"sometimes I don't feel like I have a right to be upset about it any more."
And then she said,
"But it is just so fundamental."
I knew what she meant, thinking about my life. I don't know if it should be so disconcerting not to have one place that is totally my home but then, it is just such a fundamental part of my life that is missing.
I know that Jesus had no home, this is made clear in the gospels. I know that earth is not my home. I know that God's kingdom transcends home, transends one particular place. Somedays this feels like just another Sunday School lesson (to be learnt while eating animal crackers--best snack ever) and sometimes this is Hope.
I don't have a home garunteed in my future.
So what are the good things I am promised? What exactly is living water?
This is what I am wondering, what I want to pay more attention to. What good things does God want to give to me? What does he value?
* * *
So I'm not sure if this is normal or not but sometimes I have war dreams. I dream that I am going into battle and I am really worried that I will be "cowardly" and hide/run away. Sometimes in my dream I stay and fight and sometimes I don't. Sometimes the setting looks a lot like war movies and sometimes it looks like Dorothy and her friends breaking into the wicked witch of the west's castle.
Here are other types of dreams I have (non-inclusive, of course):
1. Dancing dreams
a. I don't know the choreography
b. I suck
These are unhappy dreams. I usually feel guilty for a while afterwards that I am not in as good dancing shape as I used to. Catherine says she dreams that she falls.
2. Baby dreams
a. I have a baby
b. I adopt a baby
Strangely enough, these are often very happy dreams. sometimes/often I have/adopt babies of other races. Ususally I am unmarried but one time I dreamed I had the baby the day of my wedding.
3. Snake dreams
a. lots of snakes
b. one big snake
These have happened since I was a small small child and used to scare me a lot. Luckily nowdays nothing at all scares me but these dreams are still unpleasant.
4. Flying dreams.
I like these probably the best. In my dreams flying involves pushing off of trees every now and again or giant bounds off of the ground. Great fun. Should be every night.
5. Family change dreams
a. mum dies.
b. we trade giz for another small girl
c. mum and dad decide to move to england
d. my cousin dates a 50 year old.
These are generally bad.
I like most dreams. I also like eating before I go to bed. This is a good combination.
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4 comments:
I am puzzling over God's promises, too. (Like, what does this mean: "My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise renews my life." What promise?) I haven't figured anything out; only a few big general things.
Yep. Totally have the ethnic baby dreams too.
Je t'aime!
Relate to the family baggage of your friend... and your home issues, too! Ack, I must be lacking in many fundamentals! But even just this week, Jesus has been teaching me new things about being the only reliable and good source of security.
The dream stuff, though. I was amused from the beginning (mostly the formatting, but also some love for the transracial adoption), but when I got to 5, I lost it. Don't know why trading Giz sounded so hilarious, but it cracked me up.
Emily, I miss you; please let's make a pt to spend some quality time together after fall break.
Laura M. here--behold, I have shamelessly stalked you from your lovely sister's blog, fair Emily. May I traipse about here once in a while?
Funny about that trading Giz dream: do you remember when we were little and you and Rachel wanted a big brother and I wanted a little sister, so we said you'd trade me Abby and Giz for Paul, at least for a while?
Also, you've reminded me that I like to eat before bedtime, too. And it's just before bedtime right now. If you'll excuse me. . . .
;-)
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